{"id":52680,"date":"2025-05-03T20:48:23","date_gmt":"2025-05-03T17:48:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/levaic.com\/blog\/?p=52680"},"modified":"2025-12-15T14:01:07","modified_gmt":"2025-12-15T11:01:07","slug":"sesimiz-ciktigi-kadar-gucluyuz-kadin-erkek-iliskilerinde-susmak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/levaic.com\/blog\/sesimiz-ciktigi-kadar-gucluyuz-kadin-erkek-iliskilerinde-susmak\/","title":{"rendered":"Sesimiz \u00c7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 Kadar G\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcy\u00fcz: Kad\u0131n-Erkek \u0130li\u015fkilerinde Susmak"},"content":{"rendered":"

Erkek egemen bir k\u00fclt\u00fcrde ya\u015fayanlar s\u00f6ylediklerimi anlayacakt\u0131r. <\/em><\/p>\n

Bu c\u00fcmlenin ba\u015ftan hatal\u0131 oldu\u011funu fark ettiniz mi?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc erkek egemen bir \u00fcst k\u00fclt\u00fcrde ya\u015fasak da alt k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fcz, ailemiz ve \u00e7evremiz o derece ataerkil olmayabilir. \u00c7o\u011fumuz cici k\u0131z, nazik, terbiyeli olarak b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fclsek de bir zaman gelir ki \u015falterler atar! Bu \u00e7ok normaldir. Leyla Navaro \u2018\u2018\u0130ki Boy Ufak Pabu\u00e7\u2019\u2019 kitab\u0131nda kad\u0131nlar\u0131n i\u00e7ine s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 ayakkab\u0131lardan (k\u00fclt\u00fcrel standartlar \u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fc) \u00f6zg\u00fcrle\u015ftirmek i\u00e7in verdikleri tepkilere Sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 Depresif Tepkiler ad\u0131n\u0131 veriyor. Peki nedir bu sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 depresif tepkiler? Mesela bekletilmekten \u015fik\u00e2yet etmeyen \u2018cici k\u0131z\u2019 modeline uygun bir kad\u0131n d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnelim. Terapisti iki \u00fc\u00e7 kere randevular\u0131na elinde olmadan gecikti ve \u0131srarla bunun onu rahats\u0131z edip etmedi\u011fini soruyor. Bu kad\u0131n sinirleniyor asl\u0131nda ama \u00f6fkesini ifade edemiyor. \u00c7o\u011fu kad\u0131n nazik olmay\u0131 sessiz olmakla \u00f6zde\u015fle\u015ftiren ataerkil k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcn kurban\u0131 oluyor. Sus be kad\u0131n! sesini \u00e7\u0131karma kad\u0131n! cad\u0131 kad\u0131n… Bu liste b\u00f6yle gider. Ve biliriz ki sesini \u00e7\u0131karan kad\u0131nlar mitolojide ve dini anlat\u0131larda da d\u0131\u015flanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Lilith\u2019in Adem\u2019in ilk e\u015fi oldu\u011funu \u00e7ok az ki\u015fi bilir \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ikisi de ayn\u0131 \u00f6zden yarat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in Lilith e\u015fitlik i\u00e7in Adem\u2019e meydan okur ve sonu\u00e7 olarak Lilith cennetten kovulur. Bug\u00fcn Lilith\u2019in hikayesi hepimiz i\u00e7in hala anlaml\u0131 ise d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakmam\u0131z gereken belki de sadece erkek egemen toplum de\u011fil buna ba\u015fkald\u0131rma cesareti g\u00f6steren kad\u0131nlar\u0131n \u00e7a\u011flar boyunca s\u00fcregelmi\u015f m\u00fccadelesidir.<\/p>\n

Sesimiz \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bir ku\u015f u\u00e7mak i\u00e7in kanata ihtiya\u00e7 duyuyorsa insanlar da ileti\u015fim kurmak, bir yerden bir yere ula\u015fmak i\u00e7in seslerini duyurmaya ihtiya\u00e7 duyarlar. Yani sesimiz \u00f6zg\u00fcr irademizdir. Sesimiz k\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz a\u011f\u0131r bir darbe al\u0131r.\u00a0 Leyla Navaro, \u0130ki Boy Ufak Pabu\u00e7<\/em> kitab\u0131nda kad\u0131nlar\u0131n i\u00e7ine s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 rolleri, bu rollere uyum sa\u011flamak i\u00e7in benliklerinden nas\u0131l \u00f6d\u00fcn verdiklerini anlat\u0131rken, asl\u0131nda toplumun beklentilerine kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k gelen “uyumlu kad\u0131n” kal\u0131b\u0131n\u0131 sorgulamam\u0131za neden olur. Kitab\u0131nda \u015f\u00f6yle der:<\/p>\n

\u201cKad\u0131n, kendisine giydirilen bu pabu\u00e7lar\u0131n k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck geldi\u011fini fark etti\u011finde ya ayaklar\u0131n\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcltmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r ya da ac\u0131ya katlanarak y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye devam eder. Ama bazen, art\u0131k ac\u0131ya dayanamaz ve o pabu\u00e7lar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p atar.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bu mecaz, kad\u0131n\u0131n kendi s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 ke\u015ffetme s\u00fcrecini, sessizli\u011fini fark edip sesini bulma yolculu\u011funu anlat\u0131r. Kad\u0131n susarken sadece s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc de\u011fil, kimli\u011fini de susturur. Oysa seslenmek, direnmek ve ‘ben buraday\u0131m’ demek \u00f6zg\u00fcrle\u015fmenin ilk ad\u0131m\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Sessizlik, \u015eiddetin Bir Bi\u00e7imi midir?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6fkesinin bast\u0131r\u0131lmas\u0131, sadece bireysel de\u011fil, toplumsal da bir sorundur. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu bast\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u00f6fke, zamanla ya i\u00e7e y\u00f6nelip depresyona ya da d\u0131\u015fa y\u00f6nelip \u00f6fke patlamalar\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015febilir. Leyla Navaro, sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 depresif tepkileri \u015f\u00f6yle tan\u0131mlar:<\/p>\n

\u201cKad\u0131n, bast\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6fkesini fark etti\u011finde ve bu \u00f6fkeyi hakl\u0131 bir yere kanalize etti\u011finde, kendi duygusal s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 yeniden \u00e7izer. Bu s\u00fcre\u00e7 sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131d\u0131r \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc kad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6zsayg\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 yeniden in\u015fa eder.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bu noktada susmak, pasif bir durumdan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p aktif bir bast\u0131rma bi\u00e7imine d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. Kad\u0131n sessiz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, kendisini de\u011fersiz hissetmeye ba\u015flar. \u0130li\u015fkide sorunlar oldu\u011funda, sadece konu\u015fan de\u011fil, dinleyen de susarak su\u00e7a ortak olur. Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla susmak, sadece bir davran\u0131\u015f de\u011fil; bir kader haline gelir. Bu kaderi k\u0131rmak i\u00e7in \u00f6nce fark etmek gerekir.<\/p>\n

Sessizli\u011fin Bedeli<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ataerkil k\u00fclt\u00fcr, kad\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6fkesini ‘histeri’, direni\u015fini ‘cad\u0131l\u0131k’, sorgulamas\u0131n\u0131 ‘sayg\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131k’ olarak tan\u0131mlar. Kad\u0131n bu s\u0131fatlardan ka\u00e7mak i\u00e7in susar. Ama o sustuk\u00e7a, ili\u015fkilerde adaletsizlik derinle\u015fir. Oysa ili\u015fkide denge, iki taraf\u0131n da sesini duyurabilmesiyle m\u00fcmk\u00fcnd\u00fcr. Leyla Navaro’nun ifadesiyle:<\/p>\n

\u201cKad\u0131n, art\u0131k susmuyor. Duygular\u0131n\u0131 ink\u00e2r etmek yerine onlar\u0131 kabul ediyor, \u00f6fkesini tan\u0131yor, hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sahipleniyor. Bu, kendi hayat\u0131n\u0131n iplerini yeniden eline almas\u0131d\u0131r.\u201d<\/p>\n

Peki Ne Yapmal\u0131?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kad\u0131nlar olarak, \u00f6nce kendi i\u00e7 sesimize kulak vermeliyiz. Bize k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck gelen pabucu \u00e7\u0131karmaktan korkmamal\u0131y\u0131z. Terapi, kad\u0131n dayan\u0131\u015fmas\u0131, yazmak, anlatmak, dinlemek ve en \u00f6nemlisi birbirimize alan a\u00e7mak bu s\u00fcre\u00e7te iyile\u015ftirici olabilir. Suskunlu\u011fun ku\u015faktan ku\u015fa\u011fa aktar\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 engellemek istiyorsak, yeni nesillere sadece konu\u015fmay\u0131 de\u011fil, ba\u011f\u0131rmadan da hayk\u0131rabilmeyi \u00f6\u011fretmeliyiz.<\/p>\n

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc sesimiz yaln\u0131zca kelimelerden ibaret de\u011fil; se\u00e7imlerimiz, duru\u015fumuz, s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131z, hay\u0131rlar\u0131m\u0131z ve evetlerimizle \u015fekillenir. Ve ancak o zaman, sesimizle \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcz aras\u0131nda kurdu\u011fumuz k\u00f6pr\u00fc sa\u011flam bir temele oturur.<\/p>\n

\u015eimdi S\u0131ra Sende: Sen Ne Zaman Sustun?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Belki sen de sustun. Belki bir ili\u015fkinin i\u00e7inde, bir aile yeme\u011finde, bir toplant\u0131 odas\u0131nda ya da sokakta… Belki \u00f6fkelendin ama “k\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 olmamak i\u00e7in” yuttun s\u00f6zlerini. Belki a\u011flamak istedin ama “abart\u0131yor” demesinler diye kendini tuttun.<\/p>\n

Peki \u015fimdi, d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131nda o sessizlik sana ne anlatt\u0131?
\nNerede susmak zorunda kald\u0131n, nerede susmamay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendin?<\/p>\n

Yorumlarda ya da kendi i\u00e7 yolculu\u011funda bu sorulara cevap vermeye ne dersin?
\n\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bazen payla\u015fmak<\/em> da ses \u00e7\u0131karman\u0131n en g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc h\u00e2lidir.<\/p>\n

Payla\u015farak daima sevgiyle ileriye,<\/p>\n

\u0130layda T\u00fcter<\/p>\n

Kaynak\u00e7a: <\/strong><\/p>\n

Navaro, L. (2002). \u0130ki Boy Ufak Pabu\u00e7: Sa\u011fl\u0131kl\u0131 Depresif Tepkiler. Remzi Kitabevi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Erkek egemen bir k\u00fclt\u00fcrde ya\u015fayanlar s\u00f6ylediklerimi anlayacakt\u0131r. Bu c\u00fcmlenin ba\u015ftan hatal\u0131 oldu\u011funu fark ettiniz mi? \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc erkek egemen bir \u00fcst k\u00fclt\u00fcrde ya\u015fasak da alt k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fcz, ailemiz ve \u00e7evremiz o derece ataerkil olmayabilir. \u00c7o\u011fumuz cici k\u0131z, nazik, terbiyeli olarak b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fclsek de bir zaman gelir ki \u015falterler atar! Bu \u00e7ok normaldir. Leyla Navaro \u2018\u2018\u0130ki Boy Ufak Pabu\u00e7\u2019\u2019 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":53800,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","content-type":"","jnews-multi-image_gallery":[],"jnews_single_post":{"subtitle":"","format":"standard","jnews_video_option_group":[[]],"override":[{"template":"1","parallax":"1","fullscreen":"1","layout":"right-sidebar","sidebar":"singlepost-widget","second_sidebar":"default-sidebar","sticky_sidebar":"1","share_position":"float","share_float_style":"share-normal","show_featured":"1","show_post_meta":"1","show_post_author":"1","show_post_author_image":"1","show_post_date":"1","post_date_format":"default","post_date_format_custom":"Y\/m\/d","show_post_category":"1","show_post_reading_time":"0","post_reading_time_wpm":"300","post_calculate_word_method":"str_word_count","show_zoom_button":"1","zoom_button_out_step":"2","zoom_button_in_step":"3","show_post_tag":"1","show_popup_post":"1","number_popup_post":"2","show_author_box":"1","show_post_related":"1","show_comment_section":"1"}],"image_override":[{"single_post_thumbnail_size":"no-crop","single_post_gallery_size":"crop-500"}],"trending_post_position":"meta","trending_post_label":"Trend","sponsored_post_label":"Sponsorlu","disable_ad":"0"},"jnews_primary_category":[],"jnews_override_bookmark_settings":{"override_bookmark_button":"0","override_show_bookmark_button":"0"},"jnews_social_meta":[],"jnews_paywall_metabox":{"enable_premium_post":"0","paragraph_limit":"2","enable_preview_post":"0","enable_preview_video":"0","enable_free_post":"0","override_paragraph_limit":"0"},"jnews_review":[],"enable_review":"","type":"percentage","name":"","summary":"","brand":"","sku":"","good":[],"bad":[],"score_override":"","override_value":"","rating":[],"price":[],"jnews_override_counter":{"view_counter_number":"0","share_counter_number":"0","like_counter_number":"0","dislike_counter_number":"0"},"jnews_post_split":{"post_split":[{"template":"1","tag":"h2","numbering":"asc","mode":"normal","first":"0","enable_toc":"0","toc_type":"normal"}]},"jnews_podcast_option":[],"jnews_podcast_series":[],"footnotes":""},"categories":[65,47,632],"tags":[945,1427,2433,269,2436,2184,2318,772,2435,2434],"jnews-series":[],"class_list":["post-52680","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-kendimle-olan-iliskim","category-romantik-iliskilerim","category-toplumla-olan-iliskilerim","tag-dayanisma","tag-duygular","tag-erkek","tag-iliskiler","tag-inkar","tag-kadin","tag-ofke","tag-ozgurluk","tag-siddet","tag-susmak"],"yoast_head":"\nSesimiz \u00c7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 Kadar G\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcy\u00fcz: Kad\u0131n-Erkek \u0130li\u015fkilerinde Susmak - Levâic \u0130li\u015fkilere Dair Her\u015fey<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/levaic.com\/blog\/sesimiz-ciktigi-kadar-gucluyuz-kadin-erkek-iliskilerinde-susmak\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sesimiz \u00c7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 Kadar G\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcy\u00fcz: Kad\u0131n-Erkek \u0130li\u015fkilerinde Susmak - Levâic \u0130li\u015fkilere Dair Her\u015fey\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Erkek egemen bir k\u00fclt\u00fcrde ya\u015fayanlar s\u00f6ylediklerimi anlayacakt\u0131r. 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